


tony stark: tech mogul, shark tank

by livingtheobsessedlife



Category: Marvel
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Reality Show, I really don't know what this is, M/M, it's the 'Tony throws money at Steve bc he thinks he's hot' trope that we all need and that's it, shark tank au, yeah you read that right I really did that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 07:00:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20305339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livingtheobsessedlife/pseuds/livingtheobsessedlife
Summary: “So what do you say, sharks, who’s ready to take the world by storm with me and my product?”The sharks are completely silent. Tony taps his pen against his notebook, and for a second there Steve thinks to himselfwell shit I did a really good job fucking this up, didn’t I?, then suddenly Tony’s grinning and half the sharks are leaning forward eagerly.“Props to you,” Clint says, leaning back in his chair and crossing his legs with a sloppy grin, “That’s got to be one of the best pitches we’ve had. I mean, you made Stark over there speechless and he never shuts the hell up.”





	tony stark: tech mogul, shark tank

**Author's Note:**

> alternate title: the shark tank au that even I didn't ask for

Thor (no last name, just thor- like zendaya or adele or bono but four times the size of the average celebrity and with the personality of an overgrown puppy) is known for being from old, old money. So old, that even his frivolous spending problems (emphasis on problem) hasn’t so much as made a dent into his cash. He’s known for investing in companies just as frivolously as he buys his yachts and purses and cars, but somehow he’s so inherently lucky that even though he invests in the companies the other sharks all but laugh off the air, he just about never loses money on an investment. Oh, and he’s also the notorious and very outspoken owner of an adult ‘play’ company that creates facilities with foam pits, trampolines, dodgeball, and rock walls for adults, a resounding success that Thor talks of excessively.

Then there’s Natasha Romanoff. She’s the most quiet on the panel, but her looks mean more than any of the terse sentences she parses out. Nat is often the one that entrepreneurs are most afraid to face. Shark tank legend denotes that an entrepreneur can tell when she’s in/out based on a single eyebrow raise, though nobody’s mastered the specifics. nat has a monopoly on real estate along the whole western coast, though not many people so much as know her name. Her net worth has never actually been confirmed. The producers had asked her to appear on the show mostly as a joke, but then she surprised everybody involved and agreed to do it, never actually confirming why she said yes. When an up-and-coming entrepreneur is invited on the show, they inevitably find a terrifyingly bare wikipedia page titled Natasha Romanoff: real estate mogul, Shark Tank; a startlingly preview to what it’s like to meet her in person.

Clint Barton’s internationally recognized clothing brand has a multibillion dollar networth and continues to grow. clint built his company from the ground up and never lets himself forget the stark bankruptcy that he came from. Clint is well-versed in the language of his gut feelings and is known to offer a deal or back out of one before the last word of the first pitch has been said. His personal net worth is disguised by his untucked shirt, mischievous smirk, and the dirty joke often right on the tip of his tongue. He’s proven to draw out a few smothered grins from Romanoff and the other sharks during the most trying of pitches. 

Beside Clint, billionaire Maria Hill has her hands in almost every money-making industry that exists in the modern world. From food, to real estate, to service, to tchotchke infomercial products, Maria does it all. She and her husband Nicky are best known for building their security company from the ground up, then selling it for billions of dollars. She would almost be as hardcore, furtive, and sharklike as Natasha with her steady, measuring stare if she didn’t have the propensity to laugh uproariously at frivolous products and snicker openly at the other sharks’ bad jokes. Usually when Maria laughs at your product, it means that Thor and Clint will begin a bidding war over your business soon after. A rumor floats through the halls that they do that because she neuro linguistically programmed them to do so- nobody’s quite sure whether or not that’s true.

Then there’s Tony Stark, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, tech mogul that inherited his father’s name and company then nurtured said company into the highest grossing tech conglomerate of all time. His temerity in the industry and his lightning-fast turnover rates has earned him the nickname ‘mr invincible’. Stark isn’t known for being nice or playing fair, he’s known for investing a lot in a little and making big money, he’s known for making people billionaires, and he’s known for having an ego the size of the New York skyline and a list of bed partners to match it. he’s known for being a goddamn legend (and he’s known for having a soft spot for beefcake blondes).

And then there’s soft spoken Steve Rogers, impassioned entrepreneur with a heart of gold and a tangible passion for what he does. He also just so happens to be Tony Stark’s exact type, but if you ask one Bruce Banner he will deny any implications about that until the day he’s thrown off the set of the show for working too much.

Bruce Banner is the helpful producer who has been giving Steve every word of advice he could possibly ask for since the moment he’d received the email informing him his product pitch would air on Shark Tank in November. Even Steve can tell that Bruce works insanely hard from the show, spending long hours at the studio, emailing potential entrepreneurs day in and day out, often weighed down by stacks of folders filled with product pitches. He thrives off of caffeine alone and he wouldn’t be able to make his hair look effectively brushed even if he walked around with a comb in his hand all day. Bruce was the one who had served the final word in convincing both Tony and Nat to sign on with the show.

Bruce hovers around the makeup department while the stylists do the final camera-ready touches on his latest entrepreneurial finds. He pats awkwardly at Steve’s back in a way that Steve can only assume is supposed to be comforting.

“Just go out there, make sure to look them in the eyes, and don’t stop your pitch no matter what they might do to try to trip you up beforehand, got it?” Bruce says, one last time. Steve straightens his collar, stands tall, and nods, “You’re gonna do great, Steve.”

When Steve steps into the shark tank, half a dozen human-sized cameras rotating around him like hammerheads leading him to his doom, the most terrifying, unprecedented thing that could possibly happen happens. 

Natasha takes one look at him and _laughs_. 

“Oh my god,” she wheezes- while the others occasionally will laugh at an outlandish valuation, Nat has always stayed straight faced, never once laughing on camera. Now, it’s like looking into the laughing eyes of a fire-breathing dragon, “Oh my god, Tony you’re gonna have a field day with this one.”

Steve hasn’t even introduced his product yet, hell he hasn’t even pitched its name and the unlaughable sea creature is laughing like a banshee at open mic night. He has zero clue what’s going on, much less why. He resists the urge to tug on his collars, scuff his shoes, do anything that could reveal how absolutely fucking _terrified_ he is.

Tony, sitting beside Natasha, however, seems to know exactly why she’s laughing. That’s how things are in the shark tank, it’s like a constant game where the sharks know three things for every one thing the minoes do. However, it’s in that moment that the crew learns that even Tony Stark is capable of embarrassment, as he blushes faint pink just at the round of his cheeks and glares at his fellow shark. 

Tony hisses under his breath, “Shut it, princess. You’re gonna lose this pitch for all of us before it even starts.”

She continues to laugh, muttering just under her breath so only the sharks can hear her, “Oh my god he’s like the painted picture of your type, oh my god.” 

Thor and Clint are very obviously about to break out into similar fits of laughter.

Steve remembers Bruce’s words and starts his pitch, jaw tight and chest heavy with nerves. 

By the time he’s done, Natasha has stopped her cackling and Steve has all five sharks listening raptly to his pitch. 

“So what do you say, sharks, who’s ready to take the world by storm with me and my product?”

The sharks are completely silent. Tony taps his pen against his notebook, and for a second there Steve thinks to himself _well shit I did a really good job fucking this up, didn’t I?_, then suddenly Tony’s grinning and half the sharks are leaning forward eagerly.

“Props to you,” Clint says, leaning back in his chair and crossing his legs with a sloppy grin, “That’s got to be one of the best pitches we’ve had. I mean, you made Stark over there speechless and he never shuts the hell up.”

“Oh be quiet, Barton. The adults are talking,” Tony chides, looking up from his legal pad to watch the way Steve bounces on the balls of his feet, “Steve, i wanna make you a deal.”

Now that makes clint shoot forward, both feet hitting the ground as he swivels himself around so he can see Tony’s face, “Seriously? Already?“

“Oh so now you care about people making gut decisions, Barton?”

“You don’t even know his numbers!”

“I know I like the product,” Tony says simply, eyes never leaving steve’s entrepreneurial take on a parade rest. Steve kinda feels like his throat is closing up. Barton continues to bicker. 

“Mr Stark,” Steve says suddenly, talking over Clint’s rambling, “You said you had a deal for me?”

“Yes,” Tony looks down at his notes then back up at Steve with a grin, “I want to give you exactly what you asked for. no change in dollar amount, no change in equity, plain and simple.”

Steve can’t help it, he gawks, “Are you- are you kidding?” 

“Nope.” (Natasha snickers silently beside him)

“Is there a catch? Some constituency? Do you want royalties or a salary or something?”

“Not unless you’re offering.”

“I wasn’t,” Steve says quickly, “That’s a very generous offer, Mr stark, but I-“

“You want to hear if the other sharks have offers,” Tony finishes for him, eyes burning into steve’s skin, “Don’t worry. I’ll wait.”

It’s a good thing he’s willing to wait because after he gives his numbers, there ends up being a five-way bidding war over Steve’s company before he’s able to choose his future partner. Steve really doesn’t want to muck this up. He had gone in praying for something as little as a nod of approval, and now he’s standing under the lights of television cameras and the scrutinizing gazes of five billionaires and being forced to choose from the whole lot of them. 

Thor and Clint end up partnering together on a deal that’s mostly a time-filler, nowhere near as serious or as appealing as Tony’s offer. Stev politely turns it down, and Clint laughs behind his hand. Maria considers throwing an offer onto the table, even does so briefly, but retracts it as soon as Nat pitches her offer, straight faced as she claims there was nothing she could bring to the table that topped Nat’s deal. 

Then Nat offers twice as much cash for the same equity as Steve first asked for, and Tony visibly flinches beside her. Tony immediately triples his offer. 

In the end, Steve’s left looking back and forth between Nat and Tony like a ball in a ping pong tournament. Both investors talk over each other trying to convince him to pick their increasing offers of capital.

“Tick tock,” Maria chimes, note pad folded neatly in her lap as she summarizes the available deals for Steve who stands there with two incredible deals waiting to be picked from, sweating nervously. He kinda feels like throwing up.

“Come on man,” Clint calls out exhaustedly, “Just go with your gut feeling. Who do you want to work with?”

“Tony.” Steve says so immediately it’s almost like the word was just waiting in his throat, ready to pounce. He almost instantly doesn’t feel nauseous anymore, “I mean, Mr stark, I would love to take your deal.”

Tony grins and stands up, and Steve knows he made the right choice. When Tony moves in to hug him, Steve is able to see the way Nat sits back in her high-backed leather seat looking entirely.... pleased?

“Can’t wait to start working with you, Steve,” Tony says into his new business partner’s ear, and Steve realizes he can’t either. He’s ecstatic that he made a deal at all, let alone with Tony Stark, “We’re gonna do great things together.”

Steve waves earnestly behind himself as he exits from the shark tanks, large wooden doors snapping shut as he reenters the all-wood hallways covered in green screens and the backstage crew descends on him once again. 

Another camera turns onto him for his final talking head and on off-screen producer asks him how he feels about the deal. Steve can’t help it, he beams. 

“I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome,” he admits, eyes bright. Bruce gives him two smiling thumbs up, “In fact, I gotta admit, I’ve always had kinda a crush on Mr Stark, so I’m really excited to get the chance to work with him.”

Shark Tank cuts to a commercial break.

In November when the episode airs, Tony and Nat are doing their weekly watch party, just the two of them, popcorn, and copious amounts of alcohol as they lounge on Tony’s luxurious couch in malibu. Tony hadn’t said it outright, but Nat knew he was more excited for this episode than most.

When Steve’s segment is through, Nat is laughing herself to tears. It’s only a side of herself she ever shows in private, when they’re both dressed to the nines in $20 sweat pants their assistants surreptitiously purchased from some nondescript mall. The irony lies in that if Tony ever tried to use the Natasha he witnesses on watch party nights as blackmail, they probably wouldn’t believe him anyway. Her feet rest in lap, ankle over ankle. 

Nat’s bent over with laughter at the way Steve blushes so innocently in his final interview and how Tony can’t quite look away. 

“You two,” She wheezes, “are going to be so disgusting- oh my god.”

Tony slumps further into the couch, simultaneously relieved and disappointed when Steve’s face fades into the Shark Tank logo then a commercial for hemorrhoid cream. Nat doesn’t stop laughing.

“Oh shut up,” Tony groans, “It’s not my fault i’m not a heartless monster like you.”

Nat continues to cackle even after the next entrepreneur struts across their stage.

Tony has to remind himself that even if he had photographic evidence, nobody would believe Tony if he tried to extort Natasha for her laughter. Instead, he sits and stews, and doesn't dwell on the small smile meeting the corners of his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> might dick around and make a part 2 to this monstrosity where Steve and Tony actually work together and Tony throws more money at him and there's Feelings Fun idk let me know if you'd be down
> 
> find me on Tumblr @dammit-stark


End file.
